Becoming a caregiver is such a huge life change that, although very rewarding, comes with quite a unique set of challenges – and unfortunately, there’s no handbook to turn to in working through these times. A term that can encompass so many of the challenges that are faced, is ‘mental load’. Did you remember to pack that yoghurt your child likes best? Did you check the date on that ham before making a sandwich? Wait – is there enough fuel in the car? Who’s picking the kids up after school? Did you remember to hang out the washing? Turn off the stove? Take the chicken out of the freezer for dinner?
Did you feel that? The stress that accompanies trying to recall all the important tasks you feel in charge of is exactly what the mental load is. Your brain ticks over again and again, trying to keep all important tasks at the front of your mind; but that simply isn’t possible. So here are some of the things you may experience due to carrying the mental load, and more importantly, how we can combat this.
As mentioned in the stress-inducing questions above, the mental load of caregiving goes beyond the physical tasks of assisting with daily activities, administering medications, and attending medical appointments. It includes mentally taxing responsibilities such as constant vigilance (always being alert of your dependants’ needs), sole decision making, being a support pillar, planning and coordination of care.
Quite often, those carrying the mental load are unaware of just how much they’re holding until they hit burnout. As a household carer, foster carer or any other support-heavy role we place ourselves in, we often put heavy weight on how we should show up, what our lives should look like and how our families should behave. When these things, which can be out of our control, don’t go as planned, we may show additional signs of carrying a mental load that is too heavy for one person. Some experiences that can be indicators of an excessive mental load are: constant anxiety and concern, overwhelm in seemingly calm situations, sleep disturbances due to being unable to switch off, and emotional exhaustion.
Yes, we hear you – you can relate to all these things, but that doesn’t help fix this issue. So, what? Is this just something we have to live with? Of course not! We have plenty of tricks hidden up our sleeves for getting through those mentally taxing times, and better still, staying out of them.
The most underrated, eye-roll-inducing tip is… building a support network. Don’t skip over this part, just hear us out for a moment. We’ve all heard the saying, ‘It takes a village’. That’s not just true for raising a child but for every aspect of life. Imagine for a moment that you lived on a farm, completely self-sufficient. Dream veggie garden? Tick. Greenhouse for colder weather gardening? Of course. Chickens? Well, duh, how else are you going to bake cakes? You’ve got plenty of veggies to pick, more to plant, cows to milk, chickens to get the eggs from, actually – all the animals need feeding while you’re on it, and the veggie gardens need more fertiliser… Have you made dinner yet? And your clothes are filthy! Oh dear. We’re right back where we started with carrying the mental load. It takes a village. So learn to delegate and accept help from those close to you.
As nice as living on an old farm and being completely self-sufficient sounds, we have quite an added bonus to our lives – technology. If it’s going to be around, you might as well use it to your advantage! Fill out that calendar with repeat tasks and reminders, so you can take it out of your mind and onto something that will remind you at the relevant time to complete a task. At night, before switching the lights out, one of the best things you can do to help get a good rest is a ‘brain dump’. Grab your notes app, or a journal, and spit out everything that’s sitting on your mind onto the pages, so you can clear your head and come back to everything when you can action the tasks.
Use checklists, prioritise your daily tasks, spend 10 minutes each morning jotting out your day before beginning. Doing what you can to remove the pressure off your mind and onto something that has a far better memory (paper never forgets pen!) will take such a heavy strain off and allow you to fill your mind with more valuable, positive and enjoyable thoughts. If that doesn’t make you more efficient at your roles and a calmer person all round, nothing will!
Are you unsure where to find your village? Here at Glenhaven, we can openly offer this to you! Through multiple avenues, such as our family support programs, respite care in difficult circumstances, and connecting you with someone like-minded, we’ve got all the resources you need to get back on your feet and flourishing.
